Very Funny...Not!

The Hustle by Danny Russell

Let's get one thing straight - I love the NBA. I mean truly love the game. I watch as many games in hi-def as my life allows and I have the astronomical DirecTV bill to prove it. I've witnessed 95% of all LeBron's games as a Cav and I can count the number of Laker games I've missed on one hand since moving to L.A. in 1990. I surf the tube nightly for the best games and always find at least one game in each time zone worth watching.

The Association has the world's best players competing at the highest level in the universe but the networks (ABC, ESPN, TNT) are slowly trying to kill the game because as the NBA playoffs heat up, the broadcasts cool off and the coverage gets worse and worse. And their over commercialism has been going on for years. Especially after Rupert's FOX came into existence and the Mickey Mouse led Mouseketeers bought ESPN.

Don't get me wrong, there's still some great broadcasters, announcers, color commentators, and personalities out there like Hubie Brown, Dick Stockton, Doris Burke, Ernie Johnson, Kenny Smith, Steven A. Smith, Charley Barkley, Bill Walton, Mike Tirico, and tons of others but more and more each season the lazy, money-grubbing, corporate networks seem to be trying to ruin the game.

The proof is in the pudding.

Try and make sense of the discombobulated out-of-sequence replays or ignore the endless mind numbing promos for their mostly unwatchable and ridiculous programs. Or just try understanding their dizzying distracting graphics, which usually have nothing to do with the action on the floor, and hardly ever make any sense.

Secretly, I think the big wig network execs hate and resent the league (just like the corporate newsies hate Obama) because the fact is sports (and now politics) are dominated by African American men and almost always beat out their pitiful mostly white counter programming in the ratings (or elections).

They can't resist the profitability of the NBA and sorry Hillary, McBush, and all you corporate newsies - ya'll nothin' but straight playa hate'n. Period.

During the regular season and early rounds of the playoffs, local broadcasters are contractually still allowed to show road games to regional audiences and their coverage of the games are actually telecast as real sporting events. The games aren't just an entertaining marketing ploy to get more eyeballs and exposure for more lame ass crappy network programing.

TNT is the least guilty network but lately they've fallen into the transparent practice of making broadcasters such as the talented, cool, entertaining, and former NBA great Reggie Miller to say, "very funny," after in-game spots for TNT's line-up of buffoonerish sitcoms masked as passable comedies. Gimme a break. Have you seen any of these shows Reggie? Please.

As Charles Barkley says, they're "turrr-ble."

By far the worst culprit is ABC, which by the way stands for Anything But Color. What ever happened to all the black characters on Lost? Why have they all disappeared off the island or suddenly died? And where's George Lopez? Hmmm. I wonder... But I digress.

Empty talking heads, like the daffiest of them all Mike Breen, act as if the game is an interruption. ABC places two-bit actors in the audience so they can be shown sitting courtside then Jeff 'Beetlejuice' Van Gundy works them into the 'conversation.' Man, I'm so sick of network company men and their greedy resentful sponsors pimping out the game that I love so dearly. I swear, I'd pay very good money just NOT to hear them blabber on about another season finale of Dancing with the Stars or the premieres of The Mole and The Bachlorette. Who watches this crap?

Another big beef about NBA coverage on ABC is their mistimed replays and overuse of strange camera angles, including the Floorcam and Skycam angles used throughout its coverage. If I wanted to see the game at some crazy angle from nosebleed seats I'd go to the game and sit in the rafters.

The networks are also more concerned about getting reaction shots of celebrities like Eva Longoria, Jack Nickolson, and David Beckham than showing the games. I can sort of understand Jack, he's a Laker lifer. And Eva, married to Tony Parker, is pretty hot. But Becks? Come on already. He can't even get the L.A. Galaxy to win two soccer matches in a row. He should be out practicing or at least home boffing Posh Spice. Although I wouldn't mind seeing her up close on the Poshcam... Zing!

Oh no... I might get to see an actual replay of a critical play in sequence. I might be able to tell if the ref's call was legit or not. Maybe they are covering for corrupt refs but we'll never know. They won't show us the evidence. If they would cover the game more closely and show us then there's no doubt. Maybe that's what their afraid of. Maybe we'd get to see really why Rasheed's always so pissed off. But that doesn't matter 'cause - its time for more promos and graphics.

Here's a solution. Can you say pay-per-view? I'd do it in a heartbeat. My short time here on Earth is worth it.

The Lakers broadcast team of Joel Meyers and Stu Lantz are the epitome of professional broadcasting. They can have an in-game conversation with celebrities all the time and hardly ever miss a beat. Their pertinent replays are in sequence and they work in their sponsors with taste and class. There's no crazy camera angles and wide shots during the game action. The graphics are relevant and seamless with a touch of high tech coolness.

It's a damn shame basketball purists have to be subjected to the numerous clueless networks' version of the last two rounds of the playoffs. I wish we had a choice of whom we could watch cover the games and let the ratings determine a winner like the God awful American Idol does, where people's vote might really count.

Sorry Barack.

Thanks for reading the Hustle and remember... Give peace a chance.